Feelings that are there
by Manyfanatic
Summary: The feelings are there, I just can't reach them. The feelings are there, I just can't say them. The feelings are there, I just don't know them. And now it's too late for the feelings that are there.


_Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs. Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes. Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers' tears. What is it else? A madness most discreet. A choking gall and preserving sweet.-Shakespeare._

**-X-X-X-**

Madness.

Madness.

Madness.

.

It was all his world consisted of, one all consuming feeling that burned everything else. Madness, the ultimate release from fear. It was inevitable that everyone in the world would succumb to the ecstasy of having no feelings but one, to having no limitations, to living free from fear. He had, and it was wonderful. But he was still afraid of one person, and that bothered him. It bothered him that he, Kishin Asura, the ultimate god of madness, would have to bow to a small girl containing courage.

He watched her constantly, letting his fear fuel his efforts to keep track of her. Maka Albarn was Asura's greatest fear in the world; she had something that he'd never had, and he wanted it, afraid not to have it. He soon became familiar with her habits, with her friends, with her life. But it wasn't enough.

Gradually, the fear of her turned into fear for her. Days passed, and the time turned into weeks and then months. The ash haired meister grew stronger and stronger with her partner Soul. Asura hated the boy; Soul was the object of Maka's affections instead of him.

One year passed, then two. Shinigami worked tirelessly to find him, sending out teams of Spartoi in droves. Maka lead the expeditions into Asia, and Asura had even revealed himself to her once. She hadn't given him time to talk though; she leapt on him with the Kishin hunter. He'd gotten away without being forced to harm her, but her partner had not been so lucky. The god of madness had enjoyed breaking one of Soul's ribs, although he'd felt a hint of regret and jealousy when he saw Maka leaning over the albino, crying his name.

There was an uneasy truce that existed in Asura's mind. He'd convinced himself that Maka knew he was watching her from a distance and that she didn't mind. He'd convinced himself that Maka would love him if she ever got the chance to know him. He had to believe that, because if he didn't he'd hurt inside and he was afraid of pain. Then one day, everything shattered.

It was a cloudy day, the kind of day in which people stayed inside, even if it hadn't started raining yet. The sun couldn't be seen behind the boiling storm clouds, and every so often a lightning strike would flash across the sky, accenting how dark it had become. Asura saw all of this, but cared for none of it. In the past two years he'd become obsessed with the scythe-meister. What she did, where she went, who she was with….. He knew everything. He'd watched her pattern for two years.

Yet, on this fateful day, she did something that the kishin had never seen her do. Soul was at Kid's house, helping him to hang a new picture. Liz and Patty had taken Tsubaki to a day spa as a reward for putting up with Black Star who was now in the hospital after fighting Mifune for the 27th time. For the first time in two years Maka was alone on a rainy day and what she did puzzled Asura.

First she changed into a black dress from her closet, and walked to the ballroom where the anniversary parties for Shibusen were held. The ashen haired girl stood in the middle of the room, staring off into the distance, every so often spinning to take in the rest of the room. Her gaze was incredibly sad. It wasn't something a sane person would do, and a part of him wondered absently if she had given into the madness. But what she did next shocked him.

Maka lifted her arms, one like it was resting on someone's shoulder and one like it was clasping someone's hand in midair. Then she started to dance. It wasn't a very complicated dance, just moving around in a little square, with some diagonals thrown in. She danced for awhile, moving slowly around the huge ballroom with every step. When it was over, her hands dropped to her sides and Maka started to cry.

"Soul….. You're never here anymore….. I'm always alone….. I need your help Soul! Please don't pull away from me anymore…..I miss the old you…." She whispered into the air, her words almost impossible to hear over a clap of thunder that boomed through the room.

Asura felt like he'd been stabbed in the heart at the sight of Maka's tears. Right there he vowed to kill the weapon for what he had done to his meister. But quickly the murderous red in his head changed to fear.

He hurt… he hurt inside at her tears…. That wasn't right! He shouldn't hurt… he shouldn't feel anything…. he didn't want to feel anything. He didn't want to hurt. He was afraid of hurting.

The rope made from his love for Maka that he'd been using to climb out of the pit of madness snapped. The god of madness snapped. He fell into the blackness again, the place where nothing would hurt him.

Madness.

Madness.

Madness.

.

He knew what he had to do. There could be no fear. And he was afraid of loving Maka.

**-X-X-X- **

Maka dried her eyes the edge of her dress, not caring if she stained it. The dress had been a birthday gift from Soul two years ago, and she had worn it because it reminded her of the dress that she wore when she was in Soul's mind. She'd come to the ballroom to dance because she wanted the feeling of connection that she'd had with Soul before he became a Death Scythe. All Maka wanted was to relive the feeling of dancing with him in his mind and being two parts of the same person. Soul always seemed too busy for her now. He was so caught up in everything that there was no time for her to be anything other than his partner.

A presence behind her distracted her from the pit of sadness that she'd fallen into. She whipped around and found none other than her white-haired partner leaning against the doorway. He was dressed in a suit, and he stalked towards her.

"Hey Maka. What are you doing?"He asked with his trademark lazy grin.

"N-n-nothing Soul. I was just practicing for this year's dance." Maka answered him, feeling her cheeks turn into flame at being caught.

"Alone?"

_**The feelings are there, I just can't reach them.**_

The question made her feel shivery. There was something off about Soul, something that made her uneasy. The boy caught one of her hands, and he raised it, so that their intertwined fingers were in the same position hers had been when she'd danced alone.

"Wha- What are you doing Soul?" she stammered, feeling his eyes take in her tear soaked face and the stains on the hem of her dress.

"You can't dance alone Maka. No one can." He answered her, putting a hand on her waist. As if in a dream her free arm came up to rest on his shoulder, and then they were dancing.

_**The feelings are there, I just can't say them.**_

It was so different from when they had danced before, that the scythe-meister had to question whether she was dancing with the same person. The pair glided over the floor, Soul guiding her expertly so that she didn't have to think about anything she was doing.

"I thought you hated dancing though…" she mumbled as she hung in his arms. He smiled again, and there was something different about it. She shook her head to clear those thoughts out of her head. Maka had finally gotten what she wanted, and now she had to blow the moment by over thinking it.

"I learned." He whispered in her ear.

_**The feelings are there, I just don't know them.**_

There was a roaring in Maka's ear's that made it hard to hear anything. Soul's eyes still stared at her, but as she watched they started to change. Soul seemed to grow in height, and his hair changed from pure white to inky black. A third eye seemed to appear out of nowhere in the middle of his forehead, and he wasn't wearing a suit anymore. He wore jeans, and a loose unbuttoned shirt. It looked like the kishin's clothing, and for a good reason. Maka was standing in the arms of the Kishin Asura.

Pain registered, even as she opened her mouth to scream. She looked down, and saw that parts of her dress were being dyed even darker than the fabric already was. Asura smiled.

"I'm sorry Maka."

_**And now it's too late for the feelings that are there.**_

**-X-X-X-**

Well, this is one of the saddest one-shots that I've ever done. It took me about two hours to get this worded the way I wanted it to be, and I'm very pleased with the result. I love this pairing sooooooo much, so I just had to this! But, I'm also a realist, and I couldn't see Asura just falling in love. It seemed to me that he'd be afraid of the feeling. The four line poem is something I wrote for this story, and I'm happy with that too. Please R&R!

Here is the unbroken poem:

_The feelings are there, I just can't reach them._

_The feelings are there, I just can't say them._

_The feelings are there, I just don't know them._

_And now it's too late for the feelings that are there._


End file.
